What has passed... What we are... What will hopefully someday be...

This comes a bit late... but seeing as I was laid up in bed sick, I think I can be forgiven...

10 years have passed...
Has it really been that long?
Everyday that passes,
There's a part of me that knows,
In death you're watching over us.

I know you're helping me,
Keep our daughter safe,
Helping her to grow.
And I hope,
You're just as proud of her as I am.


There have been times over the last 10 years where I have cursed your name and gotten so mad at you for leaving us... for practically ignoring us while you were here... There was even a time I blamed myself for what happened... if I had tried harder, if I had done something differently... I don't know what I could have done but maybe there was something...

Every day that goes by though, I hope that you're on the other side watching us and doing for us what couldn't be done in life... There have been times I've sworn I've felt you there, guiding my hand... helping me not make the same mistakes you made... saving me when I was about to make a wrong turn.

Its hard to forgive the pain and suffering you put me through... but a little more comes each day... Every time I narrowly miss some accident that might take me away too... I feel you there telling me its not my time yet...

Its pretty strange actually... for as much pain I feel because of you... these days its easier to feel the happiness you brought me too... 

There are always going to be scars on my heart from you, memories that will never fade away... Things that are going to make me think of you... and I"m not so afraid of them anymore...

I just hope that when you look at where I am now, and where our daughter is... that you can look at us and be proud of where we are and the people we've become. Things are different now... things are calmer now... but I will remember those days, not so angrily now. I will remember those days... and think back on what a wild ride you made my life... both the bad... and the good.