Some thoughts on the deaths of the Griswold, CT teens...

Part of me felt compelled... don't ask me why... it just did...

http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/new_london_cty/griswold-students-mourn-crash-deaths

For most people who live in the area, we know all about this event... and I chose that word since it seemed the least confrontational... incident, accident, tragedy, event, etc... call it what you will... in the end I don't suppose it really matters...

For the record... I'm of a mixed mind about this.

Yes, my sympathies and well wishes go to the families and friends of these teens. Any life taken by means other than natural death is tragic, especially worse when that life belongs to a youth. And its never easy to shoulder such grief... I know... I've lost many in my 30 years to know how hard it is, friends and family alike... and to see the community sounding so strongly in support of the families warms the heart.

But...

I also have to shake my head and sigh as yet another statistic is added to the ever growing list of teen-age driver incidents. The things that I have read about this event... the driver being unlicensed, the fact that there were 5 of them in the car to start with (a violation of CT teen driver laws... they're only allowed to have a single passenger with them when behind the wheel)... and any number of other facts that will come from the investigation that is certainly going on... it will only serve as more fuel for the fiery debate over teens and driving. And this too is sad...

Also...

There is a part of me that agrees with those that say they reeped what they sowed. Now before you flame me, hear me out...

Given what they know already about this event... its only right and fair to think that at least some measure of this is their own fault and doing and for every choice we make, we reep the reward... either good or bad. No one is above that reality... things catch up to you eventually... some more quickly than others...

But I state again, any life lost is tragic and awful...

Did they deserve to die? No. Is it fair to say that they suffered the price of a misguided choice? Yes. It was the ultimate price, a gamble that they lost... and I'll state again... it is tragic and awful.

Reality is what it is sadly... I can change it no more than any one else can and honestly I don't fancy to try.

I suppose its easier for me to be rational about this event considering I didn't know any of the teens involved, didn't know their families... heck I wouldn't have even known about them in any way had this not occurred... and I'm sure their families would have been happier for not only mine but most others ignorance of their lives. I know I'd rather have my child's name in the news for some sporting or academic achievement than for this...

But then, as someone who has once been in the shoes of these teen's friends... I can also reflect a bit on what the emotional roller coaster is going to be in the coming days, weeks, months... even years... It actually rings all too close to home for me... but my story isn't what's truly important... anyone who knows me already knows this story about as well as I do... what is important is that now everyone left behind is left to figure out what to do now...

Some will grieve and be alright looking fondly back the memories had with these kids...

Some will grieve and never let it go, dwelling in their own sorrow...

Some will try to point fingers and place blame and never deal with their own emotions...

And there will be countless others that will deal with this event in ways that I can't wrap my mind around at this time...

Needless to say, every day forward is going to be drastically changed for people who held these teens close to their hearts.

Those left behind...

I do have to wonder if they ever gave thought to them... I'm sure they did... if only in their last conscience thoughts before slipping into the hear after...

I suppose though that this would be a topic better suited for another time...

In the end I suppose my feelings on this come down to this... Yes it was a tragedy that these teens had to die... No I don't think its right to not place any blame on them for this happening...

To me it just boils down to one of the many things I try to live my life by... everything happens for a reason and we're not always privy to that reason.

Again, my thoughts and sympathies to the family and friends of these teens and I hope in the days to come they can find comfort in the memories and love they shared with them in the brief time they were alive.

On the edge of doom... I mean 30...

30...

In a few days from now, I'll join the ranks of my many friends that have hit this point before me...

Staring down it's barrel...

Getting "Over the Hill"...

And any number of other things that I've seen that reference this particular birthday...

But what's really special about it? Nothing exactly... its not like turning 13 and not being a kid anymore but a teenager... its not 16 where you're allowed to finally drive... or 18 when you're technically (and for all legal purposes) an adult... or even 21 when it finally becomes legal for you to throw back a beer... (Though most of us, myself included, did that long before getting to this milestone... LOL)

30 isn't even really mid-life anymore... not when the majority of people are living well into their 60s and later these days...

So what makes people hate being 30 so much? What makes them reflect a bit more than they would have on any birthday before? I can't answer these questions... though here I am... pondering what I've done with the past 30 years of my life... just like nearly everyone else...

What HAVE I done with them? What HAVEN'T I done with them?

Let's see...

I haven't changed the world... though I know I've changed the micro worlds of the people I've come into contact with... some in more epic ways than others... (And epic in the scale of one's own little world... not in the global sense of the world)

I've loved and even hated...

I've helped others in need and been equally as selfish... maybe more than equal on the selfish... (depends on who you ask I think)

I haven't seen the world... though I'd like to think I still have time for that...

I have a family... as dysfunctional and abnormal as it is...

I have a daughter that I admit I have no idea how to interact with... I try... sometimes not hard enough... sometimes in the wrong ways... but I do the best I can... at least I'd like to think so anyway... I continue to try...

I never went away to school... though I did the community college thing, didn't work and ultimately ended up with success at a trade school. I wouldn't knock that...

I've tried to learn as much as I can about as much as I can... and I'd like to continue to do that...

I've overcome obsticles and grown from them...

I've fallen on my ass more times than I care to count or remember...

I haven't made the most of everyday that I've lived to now... I have my lazy times just like most other people...

But I think the greatest thing I've done is live to this point...

The greatest thing about being 30 is actually making it this far... and I hope I feel the same way for every birthday until the day I finally don't wake up in the morning...

I've had 30 years to make friends I love, even though  don't always get to talk to and hang out with them as much as I"d like...

I've had 30 years to make mistakes and learn great things...

I've had 30 years...

And you know what? I want 30 more... 40 more... even 50 more if the fates would so allow it... and I'll be happy to have every one even if I'm not happy every day of everyone...

I think I'll face this birthday like I try to face everyday of life these days... no looking back... just keep moving forward... Today's a new day and so will tomorrow be and every ever after...

So why hate 30? I don't think I have a reason to so I don't think I will... This year I'll be 2010... I mean 30 *laughs* and I'm ok with that.