"I'm fine..."

I've been on some sort of emotional roller coaster lately. Guilty feelings have forced me to reflect on things and I've realized once again that it seems I'm a supporting character in this life, always there to lift others up, maintaining myself and who I am for that purpose. Is it so much to ask to want to be the star for a change? To want to be special, really special, not just deluded into thinking I am. I want to be myself and yet anyone but myself at the same time... if you figure that one out let me know because I'm still trying. I go through every day putting on a face that people want to see, trying to live up to the things they expect of me. I feel like I'm living for everyone else, even when it only looks like I'm living for myself... just when people think I'm being selfish it's only because I'm trying to please someone they can't see. I'm fully aware of how I come across to other people... I try to be stone cold sometimes... and that doesn't always help... I feel like I'm lying... but then I feel like I'm lying everyday...

I can't do this anymore... blogging isn't making me feel any better... sorry....