On the edge of doom... I mean 30...

30...

In a few days from now, I'll join the ranks of my many friends that have hit this point before me...

Staring down it's barrel...

Getting "Over the Hill"...

And any number of other things that I've seen that reference this particular birthday...

But what's really special about it? Nothing exactly... its not like turning 13 and not being a kid anymore but a teenager... its not 16 where you're allowed to finally drive... or 18 when you're technically (and for all legal purposes) an adult... or even 21 when it finally becomes legal for you to throw back a beer... (Though most of us, myself included, did that long before getting to this milestone... LOL)

30 isn't even really mid-life anymore... not when the majority of people are living well into their 60s and later these days...

So what makes people hate being 30 so much? What makes them reflect a bit more than they would have on any birthday before? I can't answer these questions... though here I am... pondering what I've done with the past 30 years of my life... just like nearly everyone else...

What HAVE I done with them? What HAVEN'T I done with them?

Let's see...

I haven't changed the world... though I know I've changed the micro worlds of the people I've come into contact with... some in more epic ways than others... (And epic in the scale of one's own little world... not in the global sense of the world)

I've loved and even hated...

I've helped others in need and been equally as selfish... maybe more than equal on the selfish... (depends on who you ask I think)

I haven't seen the world... though I'd like to think I still have time for that...

I have a family... as dysfunctional and abnormal as it is...

I have a daughter that I admit I have no idea how to interact with... I try... sometimes not hard enough... sometimes in the wrong ways... but I do the best I can... at least I'd like to think so anyway... I continue to try...

I never went away to school... though I did the community college thing, didn't work and ultimately ended up with success at a trade school. I wouldn't knock that...

I've tried to learn as much as I can about as much as I can... and I'd like to continue to do that...

I've overcome obsticles and grown from them...

I've fallen on my ass more times than I care to count or remember...

I haven't made the most of everyday that I've lived to now... I have my lazy times just like most other people...

But I think the greatest thing I've done is live to this point...

The greatest thing about being 30 is actually making it this far... and I hope I feel the same way for every birthday until the day I finally don't wake up in the morning...

I've had 30 years to make friends I love, even though  don't always get to talk to and hang out with them as much as I"d like...

I've had 30 years to make mistakes and learn great things...

I've had 30 years...

And you know what? I want 30 more... 40 more... even 50 more if the fates would so allow it... and I'll be happy to have every one even if I'm not happy every day of everyone...

I think I'll face this birthday like I try to face everyday of life these days... no looking back... just keep moving forward... Today's a new day and so will tomorrow be and every ever after...

So why hate 30? I don't think I have a reason to so I don't think I will... This year I'll be 2010... I mean 30 *laughs* and I'm ok with that.